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Yesterday, I was mad at God. Do you ever get that way?
It was a journal entry that one would be inclined to tear out of the journal so when one dies, those left behind would not see the weakness of the writer.
Yes, I was mad at God. You might be thinking why. Good question. Lots of different reasons.
I told Ben that I thought I might as well quit praying instead of placing myself in a position to just not feel answered.
Then came the morning.
Today, aided by a warm fire, good coffee and a quiet home. I met with God. He made me smile as He gently showed me time after time how He answered even the most personal and simple prayers. He showed me how I often have prayed for things to be a certain way, but then in His providence, He unfolds the story differently. Always meeting my needs, but I dare say, more than meeting my needs, He molds my heart.
In my flesh, I desire the plan. I LOVE a plan. I REALLY like to know the plan. Let's just keep it real, I like to make the plan. But with God, there are often periods of wandering, crying out, and remembering. Isn't that what we live on during times of spiritual struggles/droughts? We remember Him.
The Israelites, wandered in the desert for 40 years. Going over the same ground year after year. They wandered, but then came the memory of how their Father had guided them all along-they remembered.
He knows our need though. He doesn't leave us for want. He touches us in very real ways. Yesterday, I was too angry to see it or feel it. Then today, came the Whisper in the wee hours of the dawn.
My memory verse:
This comes from Daniel.
"...for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before you God, yours words were heard, and I have come in response to your words."
God does not always answer our prayers the WAY we want, but He always answers them. Answers to our prayers may be challenged by evil forces, so pray all the more. Pray without ceasing, pray fervently. Trust He will answer in His time and in His will.
You might be wondering about my journal entry from yesterday. I left the page in tact. It will be my Ebenezer (that was a stone memorial set up by Samuel to celebrate the Lord's defeat over the Philistines, a memorial stone). An entry to remind me of the time I felt God didn't hear me. But then comes the next entry...