Thursday, January 29, 2009

The entry...

photo courtesy of Flikr

Yesterday, I was mad at God.  Do you ever get that way?

It was a journal entry that one would be inclined to tear out of the journal so when one dies, those left behind would not see the weakness of the writer. 

Yes, I was mad at God.  You might be thinking why.  Good question.  Lots of different reasons.

I told Ben that I thought I might as well quit praying instead of placing myself in a position to just not feel answered.

Then came the morning.

Today, aided by a warm fire, good coffee and a quiet home.  I met with God.  He made me smile as He gently showed me time after time how He answered even the most personal and simple prayers.  He showed me how I often have prayed for things to be a certain way, but then in His providence, He unfolds the story differently.  Always meeting my needs, but I dare say, more than meeting my needs, He molds my heart.  

In my flesh, I desire the plan.  I LOVE  a plan.  I REALLY like to know the plan.  Let's just keep it real, I like to make the plan.  But with God, there are often periods of wandering, crying out, and remembering.  Isn't that what we live on during times of spiritual struggles/droughts?  We remember Him.  

The Israelites, wandered in the desert for 40 years.  Going over the same ground year after year.  They wandered, but then came the memory of how their Father had guided them all along-they remembered. 

He knows our need though.  He doesn't leave us for want.  He touches us in very real ways. Yesterday, I was too angry to see it or feel it.  Then today, came the Whisper in the wee hours of the dawn.  

My memory verse:
This comes from Daniel.  

"...for from the first day that you set your heart on understanding this and on humbling yourself before you God, yours words were heard, and I have come in response to your words."
Daniel 10:12

God does not always answer our prayers the WAY we want, but He always answers them.  Answers to our prayers may be challenged by evil forces, so pray all the more.  Pray without ceasing, pray fervently.  Trust He will answer in His time and in His will.

You might be wondering about my journal entry from yesterday.  I left the page in tact.  It will be my Ebenezer (that was a stone memorial set up by Samuel to celebrate the Lord's defeat over the Philistines, a memorial stone).  An entry to remind me of the time I felt God didn't hear me.  But then comes the next entry...



Leah said...

Powerful. We all have those days. God's love and Grace are precious gifts that I so often feel undeserving of, but HE always welcomes me back. Hope today is better for you. HUGS from your blog friend!

Bill, Misty, Will, and Laura Ann said...

Never Alone....
I love to sing Barlow Girl's Never Alone when I have days like that.
"I needed you today, but you didn't show... Then she realizes she's never alone. I just prayed for you and whatever your prayer is. I am thankful that it was God's plan to comfort you today. Thanks for the scripture in the post.

J said...

Great post. I've often considered burning my journals. However, as you referred to that page being an Ebenezer...there are such wonderful times of deep encouragement when I re-read those pages of me crying out to God to fix or change something...and often in the stillness, I couldn't hear Him...and then sometimes days, weeks, months, or years go by and I re-read those entries and see how the hand of almighty God was shaping a perfect plan for my life...and then there are those things I've begged Him to "fix" that remain broken...and I still don't get it. But you are so right...He doesn't leave us for want.

Thanks for the encouragement.

Tonja said...

Oh, my dear, I am sorry you have been unhappy. But, such is the way of life, as you well know. We want to work it out to suit ourselves...because who else could be as important? God, however, has to look at everyone...and everyone thinks that they are the most important, too! So, how's God to decide? I think this is where He does what is best for us...even if it is not what we asked for or desire.

Some of the hardest things we go through will 'grow us up' the most. When we go 'face to face' with God, we learn more of his greatness. When we live in the valley for a while, we appreciate the mountain top so much more. See, sometimes we forget just how good God is to give us a mountaintop to live on.

I am always here for you, Sweetie. Call me anytime...for anything! Nothing can scare or shock me...I raised 3 boys...and lived with 4! You know!!:)

Ang baylis said...

Joy cometh in the morning. I have no idea where that is in the Bible, but you proved it is true. Glad you are feeling better. Thank you for your honesty. I think we all get mad sometimes. At least I do! And... He's always. He will never leave us!
Have a good night!
Angie xoxo

Ang baylis said...

Oops... The perfectionist in me doesn't like how I wrote that... He's always there waiting for us when we come back to Him! :)

Paula (SweetPea) said...

This is so, so great, Andi. Really it is. Such power. I mean power in your words here and what God did/said to you.

I love this:
In my flesh, I desire the plan. I LOVE a plan. I REALLY like to know the plan. Let's just keep it real, I like to make the plan.

That last line got me...chuckled out true for most of us. At this point, I think I'd settle for just knowing the plan.

I love how you also didn't destroy the entry but rather let it be a reminder of when you FELT God wasn't there and listening YET He showed you through that day/entry that He really is. It truly is in the small things and then in the drawn out things that we see Him. He shows up in all the little things. And He eventually LETS us see Him in the delays. How many delays or no answers have been a blessing or at least provided good in it. He can provide good in death and disease...who else can do that?
Love ya,